Question 1: What advice would you give to your pre-expat self?
Donate and give away more things before coming abroad. I moved to the UK with two overweight suitcases and one carry-on. So even though I felt impressed that I had fit my life into three bags, I was still overwhelmed with the amount of things I had at first. Plus a lot of the clothing I brought, I couldn’t wear in the UK weather-wise. I’m now of the mindset that when you move, use it as an excuse to par down your belongings.
I wish I could tell myself not to have stressed so much about my visa, but I know that actually I can’t say that. If I hadn’t been so stressed and thorough, my application wouldn’t have been so meticulous and I honestly think it would have prevented me from being granted one. Also, I have to reapply in several years so it’s great to still have such a solid load of documentation for next time.
I’d also say to arrange to be in the UK a week before you need to start work or school. That way you can spend the entire week sorting out the small things that seem to overwhelm and ruin your first weeks in a new place. Like opening an bank account (surprisingly difficult), renting a flat (unsurprisingly difficult in London) and signing a cell phone contract. I tried to juggle all those things with starting my Master’s program and running back and forth to HSBC during my lunch breaks quickly led to a meltdown.
Question 2: How do you reconcile what you thought your life would be like in your new home and how it is in actuality? (ie did you think you would be fluent in your new language while you are struggling with the basics)
As an expat I am really lucky in a way. I had already lived in the UK before moving abroad. In fact, I had already lived in London before. I spent 6 months there 9 months before my big move so I already felt comfortable with the city and English culture. Any of the huge surprises (like the inability to use my American bank account as proof for opening a cell phone account) had already occurred.
I’m also lucky in the fact that I never get terribly homesick. I know that makes me extremely lucky because I’ve seen other expats really struggle with missing home. Yes, when I miss a friend’s wedding or my best friend’s birthday I do get sad that I’m not there to share it with them. But I’ve never cried on a holiday because I’m not at home, which is extremely lucky because I know other people really do struggle with being away for Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays etc. And most of that is because of Sam. He’s such an amazing support network that he helps me never feel lonely. He took time to learn some of my family’s Christmas traditions and started doing them here. If anything, I feel grateful and thankful that I get to have such a wide variety of experiences in my lifetime! No, I can’t always share them with close friends and family, but I still have a great time.
Do you want to know a secret? When I first studied abroad I ended up spending Christmas by myself in London. No close friends, no family, just my roommate. Sure I was disappointed that I didn’t have that connection but it didn’t ruin my day. If anything it made for an amazing story! My roommate and I swapped gifts with each other, ate a jar of Funfetti frosting and then went out to a restaurant for Christmas dinner. We were living in Islington and most places were closed for the holidays but there was super cute Turkish restaurant open. We went there and were treated like kings. The owner even came out and read our Turkish coffee grounds at the end of dinner. He said there was a man in my life whom I would soon be getting very serious with. *ahem Sam*.
It’s experiences like that which are the tradeoff in expat life for me. Yes, I miss people and food and traditions, but I wouldn’t trade my experience of sharing Christmas with an elderly Turkish man, his family and my roommate for anything! *Mushy alert* To me, home isn’t one specific place or building in the world. It’s where my heart is and so it’s where ever Sam and I can be together for adventures.
Except for the whole UK Border Agency/immigration thing I’d say that expat life is the right choice for me.
